When I think about the birth experience I can only say - awesome, empowering and overpowering - a surreal experience with much fog and sparks of images of events blurred together culminating with a shrill cry by my precious little baby and exhausted relief that she was finally born.
It all happened like this... Baby girl, Jessica Lucille as we had decided to name her, eleven days late, we had tried just about everything to coax her out. The day before, a Saturday, her daddy declared that we were going to "walk the mall until you can't stand it any more". We did, 2 hours of walking then we came home and I walked the dog some more. Luckily the February weather in Oregon agreed with us that day.
Sunday arrived and I noticed a change. Could it be? It wasn't a gush as the books described but a trickle. A call to the midwife confirmed that what I was feeling was the early signs of true labor and "it was about time". We arrived at the birth center about 2 hours after our call and settled in. We had all the right stuff - comfy clothes, food and plenty of hydrating drinks, our cd's of relaxing music, my angel candle - all the comforting things we could pack in a duffle. Of course the baby's diaper bag as well, loaded with several outfits so we could decide what would work/fit at the last minute.
The birth center - Andaluz Waterbirth Center - was just a short drive down a quiet street on that Sunday. The center was quiet and peaceful as well. From the window I watched the puffy clouds whisk by then saw rays of sunshine and blue sky. Placed next to a wetland, I enjoyed many birds' antics as I listened to lullaby's and Hawaiian slack guitar music. The contractions were beginning to get more intense. Time was irrelevant but I knew it was passing.
I tried and tried to stay hydrated with those well planned drinks we brought or just plain water but nothing would stay down. They have a fancy word for it - emesis. I call it puking until you can't any more. I moved around, changed positions, walked, swayed, danced, whatever my body said to do I did. I also decided to accept antibiotics via IV because I had tested positive for Group B Strep (not related to strep throat). We also needed to keep me hydrated so the IV was doubly good.
As time stood still but passed anyway, I became more inwardly focused and hardly noticed when they would come to do the regular checks of progress. I was able to labor in a big bathtub filled with warm water and managed to cat nap a short while with a bath pillow for comfort. What a luxurious way to labor! I was able to move easily, freely, and it was warm and soothing.
About dark I was checked by Jennifer, the main midwife in attendance, and the baby's heart rate went down - they call it a decel. After confirming the decel with the apprentice Carrie, they decided that it was too risky for me to continue at the birth center. The baby's heart rate recovered on the next contraction as I changed my position in the water but by then they had decided to call 9-1-1 and order an ambulance for me.
Things changed quickly then and so did my plan. I knew that I wouldn't be delivering at the birth center as I had hoped and dreamed when I looked into Jennifer's eyes and saw her concern and that she wasn't kidding about transporting. My situation became complicated within a single heartbeat. Something I had just not even considered before.
You see I made a choice to seek my prenatal care, labor and deliver at Andaluz because of the relationship that I was able to build over time. I chose this form of care because of the love I would receive. For nine+ months I had seen these women many times and for many hours and through good and bad times of the pregnancy. They knew about my stresses, my physical challenges, and my hopes and dreams. They knew my fears. I knew them as well. So when I looked into Jennifer's eyes and she told me we were going I knew it was the only answer and it was the right thing to do. I didn't challenge or fear because I knew I could trust her judgment completely and I knew both her and Carrie would be there every single moment with me.
The sound of the sirens snapped me back to reality out of my wonderful endorphin induced fog and then it happened. EMT's were there, loading me on a stretcher, naked. It was cold, dark now and a full moon. "Tell me if you need to push" I heard over and over again as the EMT tried to start another IV in my arm. Jennifer was right there checking heart tones. I left the center 5 cm dilated, went through transition in the ambulance. By the time I was checked at OHSU I was 9 cm. I'm here to tell you one thing, though, they need better shocks and suspension systems in those rigs!
OHSU, bright lights, medical smells, strangers, big hospital. Didn't plan on being there but there I was with my little birth team, Darren, Jennifer and Carrie. My new team members were Cathy - the nurse and Gary B. the doc. Nice enough folks. I went from 9 to 10 cm and was ready to start pushing. They allowed me to push on a birth stool for about an hour with some progress. Then asked me to try some different positions.
Technology was key. I received a strapped-on fetal and contraction monitor, then another decel and a fetal scalp monitor was put on the baby. They wanted to see more progress and asked me to try different things so she could clear my pubic bone. Then they asked me to try to go to the bathroom. Bad idea. Baby really decel'd then and everyone freaked out. Rushed me back onto the gurney and in the hands-n-knees butt-in-the-air position and strapped on the oxygen. Then told me that I was going to be rushed into the OR because they might need to perform a C-section n-o-w.
My husband had stepped away for a moment to use the restroom and came back to a throng of people rushing me into the OR. Nurses grabbed him and Jennifer and Carrie and had them put on scrubs. In the OR everything recovered and stabilized again as it had every time before and I was able to continue to push with each contraction.
There was a sea of 20+ people all in blue surrounding me and my core team. They were cheering and also waiting to see if they would need to spring into action on the last-minute C-section. The specialists were there, the pediatric team as well. I was approaching 3 hours of pushing and getting exhausted and they were getting anxious so they offered me an assist - which I took.
The "team" who now consisted of several more docs conferred and decided on a vacuum as forceps couldn't be used because baby's nose was at 7:00 instead of perfectly straight down. They gave me some numbing shots locally and attached the suction cup. Several very strong contractions as she was almost there anyway. Stinging, burning and they are yelling "the heads out!" a bit more contractions - more pressure and then relief as the rest of Jessica was born. I recall saying "I've been constipated before but this is ridiculous!"
The first thing I saw was my baby being lifted over to the specialists covered in meconium and I heard a loud scream from her. "My baby is crying her way into this world" I thought. "She's out, she's safe and I did it! I did it!" I didn't have any pain relieving drugs, just a local, and no C-section. My body did it, it gave me all the courage, strength, and pain relief that I needed. I felt vibrant and alive, tired and overwhelmed, anxious to see the baby. Her daddy held her first and cut the cord and brought her to me and I asked the silliest question: "What do her feet look like?"
I had a 3rd degree tear that they stitched and I delivered the placenta and we were all ready to leave the OR. We went to recovery and Jessica suckled a bit to get her first drops of colostrum. Everyone congratulated us and it was about midnight.
I was later cared for by one of the nurses who was there in the OR with me that night. I asked her about the spectrum of things they see and she said they do see far more complicated situations and dire outcomes. I asked her to tell me on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst where my situation ranked that night. She said I was a 9 and they were all very heightened and ready for any outcome.
Jessica Lucille was born at 11:05 pm on Sunday, February 24, 2002 - full moon. Labor and delivery was about 14 hours. She was 11 days past her due date and weighed 8 pounds 4 ounces and was 20 3/4 inches long. Full head of brown hair and pretty blue eyes. Her apgar scores were 6 and 8 - not bad for such a grueling experience for momma and baby.
While my outcome was different from what I had planned the lesson that I learned will be with me for the rest of my life. You really have no control over things, people or events. In birth you accept what comes your way and handle it the best way that you can. The difference is in the team of people that you have around you that you know you can count on absolutely. I feel that I built that team with the folks at Andaluz and they were there 100%. As one of them says "you get what you get". I got a beautiful and vibrant new addition to my life, family, and the world - my Jessi Lu. Thank you to all at Andaluz.
